Introduction
Will you let Jesus disciple you in the one relationship category you most want to leave untouched, your enemies? God’s wisdom in Proverbs trains me to become a peacemaker by pleasing the Lord in my own ways, releasing the right to repay, and practicing love that covers offenses rather than replaying them. Throughout Proverbs we’ve seen that “instructions for life” are mostly instructions for relationships, because most of my desperate need for wisdom shows up with people. We’ve learned about fearing God, friendships, family, marriage, parenting, and self-control. Now Proverbs presses into the hardest category: wisdom for dealing with enemies. In our flesh, we admire revenge. We resonate with the story of someone who lives to “settle the score.” But Scripture refuses to let that instinct lead us. God gives a playbook for peacemakers, even when the other person feels hardened, unfair, or unlikely to change.
Main Points
Will you let Jesus disciple you in the one relationship category you most want to leave untouched, your enemies? God’s wisdom in Proverbs trains me to become a peacemaker by pleasing the Lord in my own ways, releasing the right to repay, and practicing love that covers offenses rather than replaying them.
Throughout Proverbs we’ve seen that “instructions for life” are mostly instructions for relationships, because most of my desperate need for wisdom shows up with people. We’ve learned about fearing God, friendships, family, marriage, parenting, and self-control. Now Proverbs presses into the hardest category: wisdom for dealing with enemies.
In our flesh, we admire revenge. We resonate with the story of someone who lives to “settle the score.” But Scripture refuses to let that instinct lead us. God gives a playbook for peacemakers, even when the other person feels hardened, unfair, or unlikely to change.
Please the Lord With Your Ways
Proverbs sets the direction immediately:
- Proverbs 16:7 , “When a man’s ways please the LORD, he makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.”
Notice where the spotlight lands: my ways, not my enemy’s ways. This has been a steady theme in Proverbs: if I entrust my life to God, He handles details I cannot control. And Proverbs 16:7 says that includes even enemies, those relationships that feel most impossible.
This doesn’t mean peace is always immediate or that enemies always become friends overnight. It means that a life aligned with God is the soil where peace can grow, and God is able to do what I cannot. Peacemaking begins with worship, living in a way that actually pleases the Lord.
So I start here: not with their faults, but with my obedience.
Look in the Mirror, Not Outward
Proverbs warns me about what happens when I lack understanding:
- Proverbs 11:12 , “He who is devoid of wisdom despises his neighbor, but a man of understanding holds his peace.”
“Despising” is more than disliking, it’s looking down on someone. It’s moral superiority. And it often comes with exaggeration: “You always…” “You never…” “They’re the worst…” In our divided world, families, churches, politics, it is tempting to size people up and assign all blame outward.
But wisdom refuses that posture. Understanding doesn’t mean I deny evil or pretend wrong doesn’t matter. It means I remember: it takes two sinners for a relationship to break down, and even when I’m truly wronged, I’m still someone in need of grace.
Jesus teaches the same heart posture in the Sermon on the Mount: why fixate on a speck in someone else’s eye while ignoring a plank in my own? (cf. Matthew 7:3–5). A peacemaker starts by asking, “Lord, what needs to change in me?”
Refuse Revenge and Scorekeeping
Next, Proverbs confronts the instinct to repay:
- Proverbs 24:28–29 , “Do not be a witness against your neighbor without cause… Do not say, ‘I will do to him just as he has done to me; I will render to the man according to his work.’”
This is where “I have the receipts” becomes spiritually dangerous. It’s easy to keep evidence, mental screenshots of every offense, so I can justify retaliation, expose them, or balance the scales.
But Proverbs says that road is deception and destruction. God’s wisdom forbids me from making repayment my mission. Even when I can “get them back” with words, social pressure, or subtle sabotage, wisdom teaches me to stop and say: “That’s not my calling.”
I can pursue justice in appropriate, truthful ways. But I must not nurture revenge, slander, or payback as though it were righteousness.
Cover Offenses Without Replaying Them
Here is what releasing a grudge looks like in daily life:
- Proverbs 17:9 , “He who covers a transgression seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates friends.”
Repeating a matter can happen several ways:
- Returning hurt for hurt, mirroring their sin back at them.
- Broadcasting the offense, retelling it to mutual friends so the person wears a scarlet letter forever.
- Rehearsing it internally, playing the offense on repeat until my identity becomes “the victim” and my heart stays inflamed.
Proverbs is blunt about the outcome: repeating separates. It divides. It destroys.
So what does it mean to “cover” a transgression? It does not mean a cover-up. Scripture is clear that truth-telling and correction have a place:
- Proverbs 27:5–6 , “Open rebuke is better than secret love. Faithful are the wounds of a friend…”
Sometimes love speaks. Sometimes love confronts. Sometimes love names the sin plainly.
But once a matter is truly addressed and forgiven, wisdom says: don’t keep re-opening the account. Covering is like covering a debt, someone pays. When I forgive, I absorb some cost. I surrender my “right” to keep collecting emotional payment through shame, reminders, sarcasm, or coldness.
Covering means: the account is settled, and I’m not going to keep invoicing them.
Practice Peace by Holding Your Tongue
Peacemaking gets extremely practical right here:
- Proverbs 11:12 says the person of understanding “holds his peace.”
- Proverbs 17:9 warns against repeating.
So I train myself in the moment of opportunity, when I could land a cutting comment, bring up the past again, or share one more damaging detail, I stop. I bridle my tongue. I “take the thought captive” (cf. 2 Corinthians 10:5, implied by the call to govern my inner life), and I choose not to escalate.
This is not weakness. This is wisdom. This is how grudges loosen. This is how relationships stop bleeding. And sometimes it’s how God begins to soften even an enemy.
Conclusion
Proverbs gives me a peacemaker’s path that cuts against everything my flesh wants. If I want peace, even with enemies, I begin by pleasing the Lord in my ways (Proverbs 16:7). I look in the mirror instead of despising others (Proverbs 11:12). I refuse revenge and scorekeeping (Proverbs 24:28–29). I cover transgressions in love without repeating the matter (Proverbs 17:9), while still honoring truth and faithful correction when needed (Proverbs 27:5–6).
This is hard wisdom. But it is life-giving wisdom. And as I submit my ways to the Lord, He is able to do what I cannot: make peace where I thought only conflict could remain.
Father, I confess how quickly I justify myself and blame others. Forgive me for despising people in my heart, for exaggerating their sins, and for treating my enemies as though they are beyond Your grace. Teach me to fear You and to walk in ways that please You.
Lord, help me release revenge and let go of the receipts I keep in my mind and in my words. Give me restraint with my tongue and courage to speak truth in love when it is necessary. Where I have repeated a matter and caused separation, lead me to repentance and, as far as it depends on me, to reconciliation.
Make me a peacemaker. Do what only You can do: bring peace even with my enemies, for Your glory and for the good of those around me. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Conclusion
Proverbs gives me a peacemaker’s path that cuts against everything my flesh wants. If I want peace, even with enemies, I begin by pleasing the Lord in my ways (Proverbs 16:7). I look in the mirror instead of despising others (Proverbs 11:12). I refuse revenge and scorekeeping (Proverbs 24:28–29). I cover transgressions in love without repeating the matter (Proverbs 17:9), while still honoring truth and faithful correction when needed (Proverbs 27:5–6).
This is hard wisdom. But it is life-giving wisdom. And as I submit my ways to the Lord, He is able to do what I cannot: make peace where I thought only conflict could remain.
Closing Prayer
Father, I confess how quickly I justify myself and blame others. Forgive me for despising people in my heart, for exaggerating their sins, and for treating my enemies as though they are beyond Your grace. Teach me to fear You and to walk in ways that please You.
Lord, help me release revenge and let go of the receipts I keep in my mind and in my words. Give me restraint with my tongue and courage to speak truth in love when it is necessary. Where I have repeated a matter and caused separation, lead me to repentance and, as far as it depends on me, to reconciliation.
Make me a peacemaker. Do what only You can do: bring peace even with my enemies, for Your glory and for the good of those around me. In Jesus’ name, amen.